ADHD, reframing self-judgment, + stickers!

Plus: how to kick-start your self-trust

I’ve recently had several revelations that have reframed my view on traits that I’ve always judged myself for.

Today I’m going to share just one in hopes that it gives you permission to bring a fresh perspective to a part of you or your life that you’ve been hard on yourself about.

Last Monday, I got diagnosed with ADHD after about a year of feeling pretty sure I have it.

I’ve learned a lot from hearing other women’s journeys with getting their ADHD diagnoses. For one thing, symptoms show up very differently in people who aren’t cis white boys, and often go unrecognized in children who perform well in school.

I was always a good student, went through a competitive undergrad business program with high grades and packed course loads, and didn’t struggle to land and thrive (on the surface) in competitive jobs after college.

But ever since homework became a thing in fourth grade, I was anxious behind the scenes almost all the time. Especially on big projects, I would worry so much about doing them “right” that I would procrastinate until the anxiety got so high (often the night before the due date) that it’d jump-start my focus.

As I got older, I secretly believed that I wasn’t smart. I saw myself as a lazy under-achiever — because smart, motivated people don’t procrastinate, right?

I found myself going after only the goals that I knew for certain I could hit, and the rare times I pushed myself were because of encouragement from my mom, mentors, or friends.

It feels sad to admit now, but part of why I left my career on the Hill was because I was starting to get a lot of responsibility that I didn’t feel qualified for…though looking back, I was absolutely doing a great job for the constituents and senator I worked for.

I’ve realized that my anxiety about work, even the work I do today as a business owner, stems not just from perfectionism, but from neurodivergence.

The self-medicating I did through my late teens and all of my 20s makes sense on a whole new level. I remember the mean thoughts about myself finally subsiding as soon as THC would hit my system, like I was getting a break from the part of me that was constantly on my back about doing a good job. Coming up on 4 years sober, I haven’t felt that relief with any other strategy I’ve tried, but I guess that’s part of being awake to every experience these days.

ADHD medication may not “fix” my need for alarms throughout the day that remind me of meetings. I’ll continue to write everything down, lest I forget an important detail. And I’ll probably always have a twinge of resistance to deadlines, and a cruel inner voice that whispers, “You can’t handle this, so don’t even bother.”

But it’s a HUGE relief to know this new information about myself. I have so much more compassion for the younger me who thought there was something wrong with her.

Maybe you have a past experience that feels like you made a “mistake” or somehow missed the mark. Maybe there’s a part of your personality that you’ve internalized as “wrong.”

Whatever it is, we all carry stories about ourselves. Some are accurate, and some…not so much.

Consider if there are parts of you or your experiences that you can bring a little more gentleness to, and perhaps reframe in a more compassionate way.

This is part of building self-trust, btw. Swapping out self-judgment for self-compassion is a foundational practice for believing that you are not a problem to be solved, and that you’ll have your own back, no matter what happens.

If you haven’t signed up for my free Self-Trust Kick-Start, be sure to check it out! It’s 4 mini-podcasts and accompanying reflection prompts to help you reclaim your agency and sense of self from capitalism.

Lastly, ALL THE F*CK IN PODCAST is celebrating our season 3 premiere by giving away official stickers to everyone who joins our Patreon at $5+/month by June 30!

To get your union-printed sticker, join us here.

In self-trust and stickers,

Lauren (she/her)

P.S. Another Skill in Action virtual training is coming up July 11! Join my friend Raudhah Rahman and me to deepen your awareness of your identities, cultural conditioning’s impact on all of us, and how systems of power affect our well-being.⁠ Learn more here!